Divorced, and Ready to Date…..Should I or Should I Not?!!

According to research, going through a divorce is one of the most difficult and painful experiences one can encounter. Some assimilate divorce as painful as losing a deceased loved one. Divorce is a form of experiencing grief, and many people go through a process of experiencing the different phases of divorce. The stages of divorce include the following: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Let’s not forget to add if you and your Ex-spouse have children together who may be impacted by the separation, and a life that you’ve built together with assets, secrets, and shared vulnerability. During this process the individuals involved have questions, seek guidance from trusted adults, and are trying to figure out what life will be like as a single individual.  Research indicates that divorcees tend to do 5 things to move forward with their lives.

1.    Seek therapy and take time to heal.

2.    Move on quickly with finding love.

3.    Overcompensate with tangibles to fill the void of loneliness.

4.    Hold grudges, develop trust issues, and never move past the hurt and pain experienced from their ex-husband or wife.

5.    Take the time to heal, work on self-reflecting, set healthy boundaries, and in time move forward with another relationship with different expectations.

Most people who have gone through divorce are ashamed, have thoughts of feeling like a failure, and have listened to the outside opinions of media, churches, or people closest to them who either condemn or celebrate their decision to get a divorce. After facing all the thoughts, phases, and opinions of others, what do you do? Do you remain single or is it ok to move forward and date again. The answer to these questions is that the decision is completely up to you. The recommended advice is to heal and go through the phases of divorce without trying to suppress your feelings and emotions from the grief process. Forgiveness is also something recommended because going through life with unforgiveness, being bound, and having a stronghold is not beneficial for the person you’re no longer with, it essentially hurts you. If you’d like to remain single, do so freely and healed. If you’d like to date and eventually get married again walk into that new relationship healed, whole, without regret, without baggage, and an open heart ready to love and receive love. If you have children involved, please take their mental and emotional health into consideration whether you sign your child or children up for individual therapy, have meaningful conversations to help them process their feelings, and give them the same opportunity to go through the grieving process of their parents not being together anymore. Slowly introduce your child to the person you’ve decided to be in exclusive be in a relationship with. Your child’s perspective matters as they too start a new chapter of your divorce being their new norm. If you are spiritual, pray and ask God for guidance on how to navigate this new chapter in your life and how to walk into your new beginnings unashamed and free! You got this Brown Girl!!!!