Why Is Dating So Complicated?

Dating Apps, social media hook ups, arranged in person dating hook ups from mutual friends, meeting someone on the street, or connecting with an old fling aka “spinning the block”, we all hear about the good, bad, and in between. Many women are frustrated and have labeled this dating world as being” ghetto” while a few others have been successful in finding their person. The issues that many have faced is being conflicted on what dating should look like, while encountering something completely different. So let’s talk about it sis, what are some of the main concerns or shenanigans that some women have come across? There are 4 common issues that research has shown to be problematic while dating. One of the issues is being catfished into meeting this person that doesn’t exist. Many brown women have shared how exhausting it is to put themselves out there only to discover that this person doesn’t exist or that they have other motives such as gaining US citizenship, or financial gain. The second issue is showing a lack of transparency which is by the way very exasperating. Most brown women have expectations of the basic character pillars being executed, and honesty/transparency is one. Brown women DO NOT want to discover after a few dates that you are in a “complicated situation”, going through a divorce, or trying to reconcile things with your child’s mother for the sake of co-parenting. Brown women have enough challenges just because we exist in a society that doesn’t always give us the respect we deserve. We come in with an expectation that transparency is just a level of loyalty and respect that should be reciprocated, and no I’m not your d**n therapist. The third common issue is being” Ghosted”.  Being ghosted is such a distasteful passive aggressive action in dating. Why ghost someone without giving them an explanation? It’s a horrible non-verbal way of basically saying “F' you, I’m out!” The fourth common issue is having to compete with other women of other ethnicities and constantly being told that you’re too this or too that. At the end of the day, I put myself out there, and because you have your own insecurities, I’m not good enough in comparison to “Becky with the good hair!” Have you looked at your Mama lately, or the black women who’ve had your back? Please stop with the foolery!”  So here we are as brown women in this repetitive cycle, exhausted, stressed, and ready to give up on love. Well sis, here are some examples of what dating while single could look like, and tips on how to be unapologetically you, and still allow love to find you. First and foremost, if you are a woman of faith, continue to ask God to lead and guide you during this dating journey. Ask God for discernment immediately by saying” God if this guy is meant to be in my life, allow your will to be done, and if he is not, please remove him out of my life”.  Secondly, be open minded without lowering your expectations. Evaluate your standards and ask yourself is there any room for flexibility or am I willing to be still until God sends me my person. Having faith and envisioning yourself with your mate is a strategy to keep hope alive. Third, keep doing the things that make you happy whether that be traveling, collecting the bag, a consistent routine of self-care, and finding your daily Zen. Always celebrate you sis and have an attitude of gratitude.  The fourth tip is to be mindful of who you share your dating journey with! Not everyone is in your corner, neither will they approve your dating choices. You must be with the person that will compliment your happiness and someone who you can build and grow with spiritually, mentally, emotionally, financially, and physically. The biggest error that women make is not listening to their intuition, or their holy spirit. There are women that try to force a situation and that can lead you into a few different places: suffering in silence, unhappy, bitter, and divorced. Make wise choices and remember your purpose and how your move impacts your future. Last, make sure that you heal and that you’re not the reason why baggage is being pulled into your future relationship. There are licensed professional therapist and coaches for a reason. Take advantage of having a helping professional that can assist with releasing a spirit of bondage. You got this sis!