A Single Girl's Secret Weakness : Faith & Patience

There’s nothing more disappointing than when you look around and all of your girlfriends that you grew up with, went to college with, started your careers together, and partied with are all getting booed up or married and you’re still singing the same old lullabies dodging the same old scrubs with no new bait. I remember being at a point in my life when I was the date queen, I was in several weddings, planned bachelorette parties, baby showers, third wheel at the club, God Mama, but no man. It worked out for me for my entire decade of being in my twenties, but it was something about me having three months before I turned 30, and things hit a little different. I was partied out, my friends were having babies, my married friends were confiding in one another, and I felt very lonely. I was in school at the time working on my doctoral degree, and I thought for sure between work, and studying that would help me to keep my mind off meeting someone. The dissertation process for sure helped alleviate some of that loneliness, but it didn’t completely remove the feeling. I remember watching love movies and drinking wine to keep hope alive, that one day my story would be similar. I prayed, went to singles meet ups through church (which were the absolute worst because there were like one or two men and 100 women at one event looking thirsty), and bible studies. I remember going to bible study, and thinking wow this Pastor is really talking to me as if he knows my life because he was hitting on all of my weaknesses at the time ( patience, seeking God during the wait, dissecting yourself to make sure your clear of forgiveness, letting go of the hurt from previous relationships, and focusing on making God the first priority). Those were areas that I hadn’t yet mastered, and for a little while I allowed my stubbornness and pride to get in the way. It wasn’t until I made up in my mind as much as I desired to have a mate, if I never got married, I would be ok as much as it would hurt me. Even with me coming to that conclusion, there was still an inch of faith (you know the mustard seed faith) that it could potentially happen. I’m glad that I didn’t lose the faith, but I’m also glad I didn’t dwell in the trap of feeling lonely and rejected. Where is your faith? Have you given up? Are you beyond impatient? I’ll say this, just like you told yourself you were going to go to college (and you did), get your dream job (and you did), be a homeowner as a single woman (and you did) lose weight (and you did), then why is it that you can’t have the same attitude when it comes to waiting patiently for your mate?